My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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