my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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