its not stalking. its research.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
