Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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