I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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