i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I would ride that face into the sunset
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
