Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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