Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
dude. I can hear the air.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
