if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
