grandma shit on top of the toilet
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
