I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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