Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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