He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i came on her dog
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
