He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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