Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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