if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
