please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
