Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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