I have demons in me.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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