Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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