Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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