Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just pee around me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
