I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
please come you make the beer taste better
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
