I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
