I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
