That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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