You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
third nipple confirmed
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
