I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
