What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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