Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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