Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
