Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
