cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
