Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
