Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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