grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
