Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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