VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize