So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
