I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
