Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
