So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize