i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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