New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
MIDGETS
????
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
