just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize