Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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