The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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