he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
