Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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