remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
