You made me cry and you don't even care
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
