Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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