i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
