I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
