so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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