I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
