If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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