why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
