wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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