Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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