Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
