I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
