you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
