He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize