I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize