she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
