I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize