Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
