I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
