Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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