I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize