He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
