Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
