OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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